Maybe i'm just a self-centered and selfish bastard but i HATE going out for dinner with my cousin n nephew n neice and i HATE my neice n nephew staying at my nice. maybe hate is not strong enuf. maybe the e word should be ABHOR.




I LOATHE the noise n e mess they made to my house, e problems they create, and every single action, expression, word, ideas they have, made, spoke and thought of.




I SIMPLY ABHOR IT!




the intensity has grew even stronger, n i've tried many ways n methods to stop making myself hate them so much, but they jus don't seem to work.




Sometimes i also wonder if i'm really very insignificant in the family that e noise i made seems not to be heard or to be taken into consideration at all. Or maybe izzit bcos my parents don understand what i'm going thro? Or i'm jus some selfish and self centred bastard?




ALL I WANT IS JUS A PEACEFUL AND QUIET HOUSE. A HOUSE AND SPACE THAT JUS BELONGS TO ME AND MY FAMILY N NO ONE ELSE. but everywhere corner i turn, every space i see doesn't seems to belong to us. sometimes i jus ask for peaceful moments in my house so tt i can study n try to focus, but i couldn't find any. I feel so tired trying to look for one, tt i feel so disheartened. I've tried to adapt to it, but i jus can't work ard with those noises. I jus need some quiet space so i can do my maths or even try to understand my chem notes.




Am i jus being unreasonable asking for so much? Sometimes all these jus seemed to be like a dream. A dream that can't be fulfilled at all. It seemed so distant with each passing day and when i reached my hand out for it, it jus floats further away.




Sometimes i also feel like i'm in a dilemma. When my dad asked me if they are noisy n disturbing me, i jus feel like shouting :" YES, they F***ING ARE!" but if i do, what can my dad too? chase them out of e house? n spoil e relationship b/w my cousin? HOW I WISH TT WOULD HAPPEN. but it is IMPOSSIBLE! i also can't put my dad in a tight spot. everything jus sux. I think if my teachers made me stay back till 7 or 8 everyday, i will love them. I will thank them. I rather stay in sch now then at home.




n maybe i will jus wait for tt day to come....