Somehow this period of time feels very weird. I don feel like who i am anymore. There seems to be alot of thigs going on. Like the people ard me. At the beginning i put up a barrier btwn mw n them cos i do not know hwo they are. Even as time passes sometimes the barrier is still being formed.



Sometimes, I just feel that i'm being tested. Being judged. Everyday, by different pple. And the test isn't easy, it isn't the normal test. The test is me myself. I have to deal with topics like self-esteem, confidence level, my skills, ability to adapt well, my wayang-ness, my initiative, my eloquence n also my fashion sense. I may have left out some others but more or less it is this few topics. I guessed i fair quite low. Seriously.



Sometimes i just wanna give away my post or just let my upperstudy continue doing it. Despite the fact that, many times he have told me he dislike being e runner or he is sick n tired of it, i think he is jus lying subconsciously. NOTE, i say subconsciously. Cos from what i observed, he isn't. He likes the attention, the recognition. Sometimes he is just so gd and when i stand beside him i feel so lousy, like i shldn't even be his successor. Well, obviously there is also someone else he wld like to be his understudy. I know for sure it is definitely not me.



Sometimes i really wonder, WHY ME? Why can't my superior, they chose themselves? Maybe it wld have been better. Maybe now, i'm not even having the post now. Maybe my life now wld be simpler n easier.



The only thing that really keep me going is that i know i'm not the only one and i'm glad that i have pple who have been encouraging me n supporting me. It great to have frens like them.