Alright..time does wonders and so does the brain. Even leaving the house for a short while improved my mood. Left house in in the afternoon to get old man's mp3 from his wife. Then went for my notebook and pen hunting. Felt very happy when i bought a pilot black pen (: whhaha. The one that i was wanted.

Later in the evening went for a slow run.Wanted to do only 10km but since i was at the park connector pushed myself a little to 11.2. It was very very tiring especially since it has been some time since i've ran but i felt good. Really good.

Like i've said even the brain does wonders. Releasing endorphins and making me happy and doing some psycho-ing to myself. "I'm not going to let history repeats itself. I'm different and so i will handle it differently. I'll learned from the mistakes of others and i can do it." Such a simple phrase, but it does so much wonder. I will prevail! I will rise above!

guess it is just one of those days where my mood gets the better of me. it is also one of those days where i just post multiple posts and keeps on ranting and ranting away.

hai..n i will just keep on wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking and wondering

until the day ends or somewhere sometime during the day when i realized it was nothing at all.



it is really really misleading. those things you do.and i keep on thinking will it even be possible? or i guess i'm just dreaming??

ok..went blog hopping n found out that i was tagged by sokyin to do a quiz? haha.so here it goes..

Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog ___________________________________________________________________

Starting time: 10.10am
Name: Sijie
Sisters: 1
Brothers: 0
Shoe size: 8-9
Height: 167cm
Where do you live: Yishun
Favourite drinks: Ice Lemon Tea
Favourite breakfast: Loads..


Have you ever

Been on a plane: yes
Swam in the ocean: no
Fallen asleep at school: yes
Broken someone's heart: yes
Fell off your chair: yes
Waited for someone to call: yes
Saved emails: yes
What is your room like: Half Messy, Half Organized
What's right beside you: my study table
What is the last thing you ate: last night's dinner? rice with soup.


Ever had

Chicken pox: no
Sore throat: yes
Stitches: no
Broken nose: no


Do you

Believe in love at first sight: sometimes
Like picnics: yes


Who was/were the last person

You danced with: i'm not sure..might be zk. haha
Last made you smile: leon
You last yelled at: can't remember


Today did you

Talk to someone you like: not yet
Kissed anyone: no
Get Sick: er..i'm kind of sick. haha
Talk to an ex: no
Miss someone: yes
Eat: no..
Best feeling in the world: when u worry so much for someone and at the end of e day you know they are fine and doing gd and smiling back at you. tt i wld say is the best feeling for me.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: no
What's under your bed: the floor
Who do you really hate: haha..i've got a garden filled with vegetables and animals n they're named after the people i dislike. haha.
What time is it now: 1016am


Random

Is there a person who is on your mind now: yes
Do you have any siblings: yes
Do you want children: i don't know
Do you smile often: yes i think..but ah pek recently told me i seem to laugh out loud less often now.
Do you like your hand-writing: sometimes
Are your toe nails painted: definitely a no.
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: my sis
What color shirt are you wearing now: green
What were you doing at 7.00 p.m. yesterday: at bugis with zk
When did you cry last: erm..sec 3 i think..
Are you a friendly person: hahaha..depends i guess.
Do you have any pets?: no
Where is the person you have feelings for right now: hmmmm...
Did you hold hands with the person who mean anything to you now: no
Do you sleep with the TV on: no
What are you doing right now: this quiz n surfing e net
Have you ever crawled through a window: yes
Can you handle the truth: yes
Are you too forgiving: er..i don't know..maybe?
Are you closer to your mother or father?: mother
Who was the last person you cried in front of: sy
How many people can you say you've really loved: 7
Do you eat healthy: sometimes
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex: yes
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you: yes
IF you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to: leon, sy, ber
Are you confident: 70%


5 things I was doing 10 years ago

1. watching tv
2. homework
3. crying in sch
4. playing around in sch
5. taking the sch bus home


5 things on my to-do list today

1. collect old man's mp3 from his wife
2. buy some stuff
3. run
4. watch some movies
5. make some calls to confirm tml's dinner


5 snacks I enjoy

1. chocs! (cadbury, rittesport, meiji...loadsss)
2. ruffles cheddar cheese or cheddae cheese with onions!
3. peanuts
4. sweet chilli taipoica snack
5. cookies


5 things I would do if I were a billionaire

1. buy a nice big house and live in it
2. give my parents some share of the money
3. shopping
4. Travel ard the world with my frens
5. i can spend more on food!


5 of my bad points

1. perfectionist
2. lazy
3. soft hearted
4. evil bastard
5. emo

5 people i tag

1. bernice
2. kat
3. yong tah
4. whoever reads this
5. whoever reads this

hai..things are not supposed to turn out like tt! i'm so confused and sad. this is so misleading.just what exactly is going on? i miss e simple past. where everything is so simple.

ouch. i rather u not say it so blatantly sometimes. or so bluntly. even though i know i have the same thoughts but at least i make e effort to hide it at times. pffffttt..i'm feeling a little sore now. hai..PPPFFTTT

Sometimes the truth hurts because they seem to be coming at you and punching you in the guts. Same for reality. As it starts to sink in, you sink deeper into depression. haha. BOOHOO! got to go back camp real soon. Like in another one and a half hours time. SIANNNNNN.

Anw, went for the Nike+ Human Race yest. It was a fun event but the route could be better. But overall it was quite fun. hahaha.

I want a longer breakkkkkkk. hahahaha.

For the past few days I've been wondering what i should blog about. Till just today, I've decided not to mention what happened during the past few weeks because it'll be very boring and dry. Instead I'll be posting up videos. (:

Teardrop by Massive Attack.


This happens to be the theme song for the show House. hahaa. Original Version. Nice (:

Next is the other covers did by other artiste.

The first cover shown is by this band called Elbow.

Elbow "Teardrop" Massive Attack


Next we have a cover by Incubus. I like e guitar solo part. I think it is pretty nice.

Incubus Teardrop


Lastly this is by Newton Faulkner. Never heard of him before until I heard this song. hahaha.

Newton Faulkner - Teardrop


And I like this cover best.

Well, enjoy pple.

It is always heartwarming and touching to know that you have a wonderful group of friends who will always be there to comfort you when you are down or when you are in trouble. They give you comfort and reassure you that everything will be alright. Be there to hear you out and help you when go through tough times. Such friends are hard to find and i'm really glad that I have found such friends in my life.

These are the greatest army buddies i could ever find. Always so understanding and always tolerating with my nonsense and my random mood swings. They are really there for me when i need help or when i'm down in camp. They make camp an even lovelier place. Love them all loads. (:
And these lovely ladies accompany me to sch everyday since sec sch! Nothing we can't do eh! haha. Always surrounded by their laughter and random lameness. hahahaha. They are the greatest ladies I've ever met and known. Strong and smart. Thx for being there to help me tide through sch. (:

Sometimes it is nice to take a step back and really appreciate all those who have been there to help you out and been there to hear out in your life. Thx to all my friends who have been so supportive of me and listen to me whine, complain, laugh, go crazy with and do nonsense stuff with. Thank you all so much! (:

The Killers - Everything Will Be Alright Lyrics

I believe in you and me
I'm coming to find you
If it takes me all night
Wrong until make it right
And I won't forget you
At least I'll try
And run, and run tonight
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright

I was out shopping for a doll
To say the least, I thought I've seen them all
But then you took me by surprise
I'm dreaming bout those dreamy eyes
I never knew, I never knew
So take your suitcase, cause I don't mind
And baby doll, I meant it ever time
You don't need to compromise
I'm dreaming bout those dreamy eyes
I never knew, I never knew
But it's alright...

Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright

This song is stuck in my head. Even though it doesn't link much to what i've said earlier. But still it is nice. This song is to all my friends (:

Just got the urge to blog again.

Can't wait for the 16km this Fri at ECP and dinner after that! (:
So looking forward for it!

Dinner at Timbre with Joyce and gang is still unconfirmed! Hope they'll all be free (: Guess i'll try n book them. whahah!

10km run later!

And more rehearsals tml. WHOLE DAY!! Good and bad. Will be seeing sylvester! But it be a bloody whole day full of rehearsals. haha.

Well at least i have my buddies in camp. haha. Still no motivation and drive. haha.

I WANNA ORD!

Mum and Dad is sick since friday. Both got fever. All thx to my irritating nephew who was sick and passed e virus to them.

Dad's getting better..but mum seems to have no changed. She went to see e doc again..n as usual more medicine.

hope they recover soon.

I'm tired. I want to have a getaway!
A getaway from camp, from work, from family.

I need to recharge my batteries. I have no motivation to work. No drive.
I do not want to go back to camp!

ppppffttttt..i'm just tired and i want my rest.

The train has moved.
Again.

Time to move on.
And it feels good.

I'm happy again (:

I'm stuck.
Like a train that is stuck on the platform and not moving anywhere.
Like a train that suddenly brakes on the track and is stalled for 15 mins or even shorter or longer.

Too much has been happening this year.
I'm stuck on a spot and i'm not moving. But everything else around me is.
Everything is moving at a rapid pace and they seemed so blurred.

Too much is on my mind.
Family, friends and myself. My health.

I will move and I need to move.
But now i'm just like the train that is stuck.
Time is the key to everything.

No matter how much i'm trying to support my parents' decision on what they are doing now i can't help but to blame them to a certain extent. I have no idea how long will I keep supporting them or will there be a day where I'll just tell them that everything is not alright and I'm sick and tired of it.

It is kind of annoying and i'm seriously fucking pissed that the long anticipated getaway trip I've been looking forward to since June or even earlier has to be canceled. Why is life so unfair!?!? WHY!!! I SO FUCKING HATE THIS! I'm so mad at angry. I'm very upset about this too. WHY? WHY? WHY? ARRRGGH!!!

Well, some might say there is always another time for a getaway. But I'm just so fucking pissed that it has to be canceled because my parents can't pay my sis school fees and now the brother has to pay for her. WTF right. hai...seriously. I hate all these money problems. Why is it always me and my sis panicking about it?

In the past when i'm 16, i would have said " I'm just a student. Why do I have to bother about such stuff? This is too much for me to handle."
Now I'm reaching 20s, it feels like a fucking responsibility or something that i should be worrying about. Like an obligation. And you know what? I HATE IT! But what can I do? I'm not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Now all i can do is, according to e army term, lan lan suck thumb and work things out or make things work.

I'm not even sure about my own future. I have 3 choices but out of 3 only 1 is feasible. Or should I say it is not as financially draining to my family? Hai....seriously life is FUCKED UP.

yeah..cheers to FUCKED UP LIFE.

Wahahha. A funny conversation i had with my frens. hahaha. I was laughing throughout.

- S - says:
u all got the oasis song don't look back in anger
- S - says:
lol
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
L² shld have it
- S - says:
send mi
- S - says:
i lazy go find
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
i haven rip his oasis album yet
- S - says:
haha
- S - says:
lol
L² says:
hmmm
L² says:
hold on ah
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
haa
- S - says:
lol
L² says:
u owe me
L² says:
hahahaha
- S - says:
ok
- S - says:
np
- S - says:
i ask zk to satisfy u
- S - says:
lol
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
ahhaha!
L² says:
ok i cancel
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
ahhaha
- S - says:
i m sry
- S - says:
lol
L² says:
slap u
- S - says:
i m sry
- S - says:
lol
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
AHHAHA!!
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
FAN JIAN!!!
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
NO BACKBONE!!
L² says:
yes
L² says:
hahahahhaa
- S - says:
haha
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
ahhahahahahaha!!!!
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
this is so funny
L² says:
well i did cancel
L² says:
hahahahaha
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
omg..ahhahahah!!!
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
hahahahahhaha
- S - says:
buay lun
- S - says:
haha
L² says:
huh
L² says:
u buay lun me????
L² says:
i cancel again
- S - says:
okok
L² says:
hahahaha
- S - says:
i m sry
- S - says:
lol
L² says:
hahahaha
L² says:
i cancelled
L² says:
again
L² says:
hahahahhaa
- S - says:
psst
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
hahha
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
aiyoo
[g]Professional Rubbish Bin says:
hhahha
- S - says:
lol


hahaha. dumb n funny. they are my frens n i love them (:
also to protect their identity i won reveal who they are except that professional rubbish bin is me. haha.

I'm bored!!!! So bored.

Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored.

See, that is how bored i am.

Oh! and something disgusting. I woke up at 10 had my brunch at around 11 and guess what.
I HAVE YET TO BRUSH MY TEETH!

ok. gross. i know.

last thing.
I'm BORED.

I need a big pail to pour everything out. I keep having this bad vibes again. This bad worrying feeling like something very very bad will happen to someone. hai..

Another week has ended and this week has been a crazy week for me, my friends and my family members.

Went to see the MO on mon and told them about my condition and they got my blood sample and urine sample. The same day, they called me at 11p.m and told me about my alarmingly low platelets count. I was so worried that i couldn't sleep that night.

On tuesday i went to the medical centre to get my test result and passed it back to my Unit MO. After reviewing me, he and other MO decide to send me to the hospital for further check-up. The whole process was both physically and mentally draining me out. haha.I was so worried about myself but at the same time i have to assure people around me that i should be be fine and asking them not to worry so much and do not panic. I was so tired as the night before i didn't sleep well. I keep smiling to the Unit MO to tell him i'm ok and i'm accepting this very calmly. But i guess he could sense me still panicking inside. He comforted me and tell me everything should be alright too.

Then i called zk to follow me to the hospital. Was so grateful to him that he was following me and he knows i was trying my best to look normal. haha. But he knows i was going crazy and mad inside. I'm so glad he was there. After registering and waiting for a few moments at the NUH A&E emergency walk-in, a nurse called me over. She did the routine check ( blood pressure, family history of any illness, drug allergies) and told me i was a serious case and i will be send to the observation room. She doesn't want me to wait outside and knock myself or get myself cut and die bleeding to death. No one was to draw my blood or inject me with anything except for the doctor himself.

The doc himself then came and say i might be suffering form dengue. haha. He then drew my blood and proceed to send it for lab test. About 1 hr later, he came n told me i was fine. PHEW! I was so happy! Grinning from ear to ear. haha. Then i called zk in and told him the good news. haha. i was so guilty that he had to wait for me for 4 hrs.

After the drips and everything we then went for dinner and it was my treat. hahaha. We deserve it. After going back camp everyone was asking me if i'm ok and what really happened to me. I feel so loved. Knowing that so many people are concerned. haha. For the next few days, everyone was telling me not to work and rest more. hahaha. It was comforting to know that everyone care. aahha.

Ok, now i shall wait for my urine test results from the MO. Hope everything will be just right.

Apparently my whole body is on strike now. Flu, sore throat, cough and a fever since yesterday. Yesterday was also weapon's bbq :). It was a great gathering. Even the old man came! ahahha. Met leon at kembangan n went to siglap to get some photos printed. After tt went back to his place to get lunch and met up with dasen n shawn afterwards.

We then took a cab down to siglap centre to get the groceries. Potato chips and beer! :) After grabbing the chips n beer we head back to leon's hse to wait for the caterer and we start to make e cards for mono 10. Played with leon's dogs. hahaha. Both are so cute. One tried to hump me and the other was biting my pants cos he still teething. hahhaha.

Halfway through the day i was down with fever and e 3 of them keep asking me to rest, which i was already doing cos i was doing nothing at all. hahahah. Soon the others (Zhongyi, cing han, jie bin and qiyang) came as well. At about 5 plus we brought all e food down and started to start e fire. Since i was sick, i jus sit in 1 corner cam whoring. ahaha. But was mostly taking pics of others. hahaha.

Later in the evening more pple start to appear. hahaha. Everyone was enjoying the food, the booze and e companion. hahah. It was great. haha.

Today i finally got the letter from NUS. Yes, e one that decide my future. haha. REJECTED. Well, kind of expected? haha. Not feeling much now. Cos i know i've tried all e possible ways. ahahha. At least i appealed. ahhaha. Guess OT might not be a bad choice after all. At least aunty is enjoying? haha. i shall start to map out my future again.

ok.i got the doc to check on me. 2 to be exact. Now i got a referal letter to the hospital. Let's hope everything is ok with me.

I wonder why when i have a problem, i'm the one telling e rest not to worry instead of them telling me not to.

It gets a little tiring u know. And somehow u don't get any comfort at all. U have to worry abt it yourself and tell others not to.

Weird huh.

I'm trying not to freak out...but I am. I'm scared. My body is giving me problems. Guess i have to see e doc again. ARRGHH!! hope nothing is wrong.

I feel like a fool now. A clown. Worry for nothing. But i'm glad that nothing happened. haha. I shld stop giving myself unnecessary problems to worry.

ohhhhh...i'm getting paranoid now. I'm worrying for nothing. ppppffffttt. I'm super worried and super paranoid. ROAR!

Today was a happy, blur plus clumsy day for me. It was a fun day. Met up with aunty ber and aunty ng today. Too bad eunice couldn't make it. Think we'll go crazy and i'll get slaps all over my face. hahahah.

Anyway went to town and headed to kino where auty ng bought her book. After that went to catch our late lunch n super early dinner. Which then we wander around taka for awhile and went to this toy shop above kino. Had lots os fun there, laughing at the plush toys and taking random photos of them. Ohhh.n i made e aunties spent money on pencils (: haha. N me myself was very very tempted to get the pen myself. But it was too expensive and i didn't have the urge to splurge.

We then proceed to heeren where they was an API display and some fengshui master talk. I keep giggling when the fengshui master starts to talk. It was funny and i just can't control my laughter. We also walked around hmv and once again i was psycho-ing and hypnotizing the aunties to buy albums. haha. I'm just plain evil. hahaha. Well they try to do the same thingy to me but it didn't work. hahahaha!

We then walked to PS toast box to have a cup of tea and a bowl of mee siam. Then we walked to Daiso. Wanted to buy the butter waffles but i can't find it. :( But i saw la pi xiao xin's biscuit!!! Was very tempted to buy it but in e end i decided not to. I also donnoe why AND don ask me why. ahaha.

Then we took some pics with aunty ber's new camera. WEEEE. Finally she'll have my pics to post on her blog. WHAHHA! She say she will gonna make BIG so everyone can see my face. HAHAA!

Can't wait to see them again and go crazy and have lots of fun! haha.

I feel like a tee-shirt designer, card-maker and fashion consultant just within a day.

Giving some ideas and suggestions to aunty ber for her tee-shirt designs, making my ord cards for the Mono 10 pple and birthday cards for people whom i still owe them. After that became fashion consultant for my sis. hahaha.

Well, i wanted to type in a lot more stuff for this entry but somehow everything just seem to have disappear from my mind. As usual. No big deal anyway. I'll most probably just type another entry again in the later afternoon.

ok..off to rush e cards.

A 2nd post of the day.

Finally!!! Finally!! I've managed to get the page breaker thingy work! I do not have to type under the edit html page anymore jus to do the stupid page breaker thingy. hahha.

HURRAY!!!!

I was actually planning to post up something here, but after reading comments left by my friends (YES!! pple do know the existence of my blog!! suprisingly!!!) i've decided not to. hahaha!



No worries, nothing bad about anyone. Jus that after reading their comments, or even seeing them post comments made me a very very happy boy. (:



Yesterday met up with leon, shawn n dasen to get my free lunch. whhaha! yes..e birthday boy treat! hahahaha. Also passed him his present. Something which me myself wanted so much also. But i find it abit to expensive. haha. Yes, we got him the nike sportsband. Will someone buy me that too? Even though it is not my birthday. ahahaha! I was so tempted to keep the present to myself and use it. WHAHAH! I'm also very tempted to get myself The Ting Ting's album. Just want to get some random albums. Will someone buy that for me too? Guess i've been spending too much this month. So i need to control. If not i'll just grab the album and pay it at the counter. haha.



Alright, now i jus have to control my spendings and wait till e next pay! weeee!! can't wait! hahaha. MORE MONEY!!!

It is sad to hear a mother crying over the phone telling you her child has passed away. I know i will never understand the pain the mother suffers but hearing e crying alone makes my heart ache enough. To all my friends out there, pls do take care of yourself. Like what most of my friends are always telling/nagging/hypnotizing/brainwashing me to take care of myself and keep myself safe. haha


Do i look so frail and fragile? haha. But well, pls do take care. I do not wish to make another of that kind of call. It breaks your hear into million pieces.



Ok! on a lighter and happier note, today is leon's and yanni's birthday!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR FRENS!!!! I LOVE U ALL!



whaha. even though they can't see it but still i'm sure they can sense it. WHHAHAH!



Meeting leon later to celebrate his birthday and also for shopping spree! hhaa. Actually the shopping spree is e celebration. whahha! ok gtg already before i'm late again and the birthday bpy starts to kb me again.



bye all!!

Yesterday was FRIDAY the 13!!! BLACK FRIDAY! haha. Indeed it was really a black friday. Things happened and things have changed. Now have to play black and white. pzzzt lor.



Well, at least it wouldn't really affect us a lot.



Later going down to aljunied with aunty n to see if i can get anything for leon. haha. Wanted to call others to accompany me but all of them not free. So sad lor. In e end drag aunty ng along. haha! At least got company so not so boring. ahha.



shall update more again when i return home.

It was another meet up plus birthday celebration today for aunty ng's birthday together with kat because i couldn't make it on the 11th. haha. Met up with kat first before meeting aunty ng. Aunty ng actually missed boarding the train because she didn't see us in e train. As we were hiding in 1 corner looking at photos.







After finally meeting her at amk, we proceed to to city hall n went to marina sq. ahha. caught a great deal today. Went to waraku n they forgot my order. In end e management gave me a complimentary soup of the day and a salad and also while asking for e bill they gave me a 10% discount. WHAAH!! a really good deal. I like the way theu deal with their customers. At least they try to retain their customers. haha.







After tt went to get aunty ng her crocs. hahaa. She was struggling for some time to find e one she wans n she manage to find it in e end. haha. Adding a spongebob n patrick studs to the croc shoes itself. aha. It looks cute n very personalised.







After all e walking ard. my legs now hurts like hell. Also due to the runnings from the past few days n this morning. Now my ankle n knees hurt. whahha. Guess i shall jus rest at home tml and not run. But...maybe i jus might go down to bugis n see some stuff. haha. I'll see how then. haha.





I get easily worried when i hear that my frens are sick or injured. So when i got his sms i start to worry. Let's hope his legs will be fine. haha. Even though he say's he'll be fine. I'm still worried.

My plan for the day has been thwarted by my plans for the future!!! Sounds kinda dumb? yeah I suppose so. But that is the truth. And i shan't complain more. My future is much more important. I know I'll regret my decision but it is for the greater good of my future. Luckily I was the only one involve.



Seriously i have to start thanking lots of people be it good or bad for all their contributions to my appeal letter. It only seems to get better and better with every edit they've made. I feel so guilty n useless like I'm not much of a help anyway. I feel like a hindrance to them instead. Blame it on the proficiency of my English. My limited vocabulary and immature writing skills.



Now I'm worried for another friend of mine. I feel that she has been keeping too much stuff to herself. There are things that she is not telling me. That, ultimately, is her choice whether she wants to confide in me or not. But as a friend of hers, i do hope she tells me. Or at least, I want her to know that I'll always be there to help her and to listen to her just like how my other friends are there for me when i needed them.

I'm feeling worried and scared now. I'm panicking and I'm having a panic attack. My heart is pounding quickly and my breathing is rapid and shallow. Yes, I'm afraid that the letter sucks, that it would not make it. ROAR!! One of those worried + scared + afraid + imagining bad stuff moments.



I'm trying to keep myself calm n cool. I'm afraid of getting judged. I wonder what goes through his mind when he reads it. I hate the unknown.



I abhor it.

Went to watch Indiana Jones yest with shawn n leon. THE SHOW WAS DISAPPOINTING!!!! It was as i've told leon " horribly funny or funnily horrible." Hahaha.



Walked ard marina square and saw lots n lots of sales..well of course i'll see sales cos now is GSS. What i saw was some really gd deals! haha. Can't wait for june pay to arrive! Then i'll spend (:



My heart somehow isn't really keen on doing the appeal letter. Why? I have 3 theories for myself.



ONE: I do not want to feel the same disappointment again. Once is gd enough. Or i shld say feeling it thrice was enough. I don't feel like seeing another 2 more rejections.



TWO: Maybe I've come to terms with going to poly. It might not be such a bad thing afterall.



THIRD: I'm jus escaping from everything.



haha. But i'll press on. For i do not want to disappointment myself for not even trying. I also do not want to waste the efforts of others who are helping me. Well, let's hope luck is on my side this time. I'm pitching my last hope!

Entry no.2



This happens when u are sad and u need an outlet and also when u are at a loss of what to say n express that sadness.



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dasndijasdoisanodjsiojdoiasjdi bhdhouguiyfui nhn aciruerionuoivnuiouaiouroimpoiurnvuarpoumcoravraunoiruaeporunpoiunoueprouanpnuprouerb
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ok..it doesn't make me feel any better.

OUCH! IT HURTS!!



Rejected again by NTU, NUS n lastly SMU. Well, i shldn't expect so much anyway. My results weren't that fantstic afterall. Oh well..what to do.



The truth hurts...ouch. n it is slowly sinking into my brain. OUCH.


It is a lie to say i'm not sad. I'm super sad. hai..



OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH!



N i can hear my heart weep.

woo!! update update! Today is yet another boring n lazy day for me.



Feeling pretty high now. haha. n i have no idea why. maybe it is the effect of the weather. I"M BURNING HOT!! pssssttt!!



Went to run with encik n his family. Kinda awkward. whaha..n both o us got cheated. we tot we ran abt 10km but it turns out that it is only 7km. pzzzt. but we manage to recce another route that is 11km long. woot!! run like mad. hahah.



lalalal. n i got my hair cut!! cheap cheap!! but i think it looks ok (: haha. n i'm broke again. YESS!!! only 9 days after pay day n i'm left with 28. WOOHOO!! i'm a survivor!!!!



ok..i'm officially crazy when typing this entry.all thx to e sun ne wind. It blew my mind away n left me burning hottt!

I'm feeling down. But i'm not emo-ing. I just feel down and moody. Maybe i'm worrying too much?

Got a letter from SMU yest. Well, as expected i got rejected. haha. Not suprising, but now i'm even more worried for my NTU n NUS application. I really hope i can get into NUS. hai..yes i'm back into worrying again.

Wahah! Today was a great day!!! WOOT! So happy (:



Had my jc class gathering. It was a huge success. Many of them turn up. Let's see..abt 13 out of 20? Esp when we haven seen each other for a long time. Went to swensens for gathering. YES...swensens again..cos i jus realised the Sakura outlet at tpy isn't halal n i wanted to go to botak jones..but it wasn't halal as well. pzzzt lor.



Anyway after tt went to City Link HMV n got my michael jackson album :) Well, even though i don't really like him now he was still once my idol PLUS!! the disc was super cheap. HAHA! Considering the fact tt it was a compilations of his songs since young! A total of 38 songs for $15!! WORTH IT MAN!!



Also did CD hunting for sephine for her bf. haha. Went to City Link Hmv then after tt to e ear depot at marina sq. After hunting for her cds, she went to meet her bf n i met up with shin jia, jia wei n jansen for food hunting!!



Walked from marina sq to bugis. On the way we had toast bread + coffee. Next was beef noodles!!! YUMMY!!!! The meatballs were really gd! As we walk down e road we went to bugis village to have xiao long bao!!! E xiao long baos were not bad. Quite nice. Next was duck rice n noodles. haha. by tt time i was feeling quite full already.but we pushed on and went for desserts!!! YES!n i had my fav yang zi gan lu!! WOOT!! n e last course for the day was soya beancurd with a cup of soya bean n 1 fried dough! SHOIK SHOIK SHOIK!!
Was jus eating the whle day away. HAHA



Weee..jus did a prank call to leon. HWHAHA!! told him i'll disturb him already. WHAHAH!!

ROAR!! hai..this is e 1st time i'm feeling moody the WHOLE DAY!! n it started since last night.



I have nv been in such a state b4. such moodiness..such restlessness. Maybe cos i worry too much? I jus couldn't help but to worry. This is me. But why can't i deal with it now?



This is bad..this is bad. What is happening?? ROAR!!!

hur hur hur..in end i overslept and miss the timing for my run. Pzzt. aha



Yest went to watch ironman with ah lee, leon, shawn, jj, quansheng, invi woman n dr doom. HHAHA! IRONMAN IS A GREAT MOVIE!! haha. Love it! Also celebrated ah lee's birthday yest. haha.



N i spent toooo much yest. HAHAHA. Was eating from e moment i see leon till i go home. pzzztt. met him at 11..then went bk to eat. then after tt went to gelare to have ice-cream waffle n tcc to have coffee. HAHA. n we bought chocs. (: hahaha..jus eat e whole day. Then ask shawn to meet us early n went to have dinner. HAHA. eat eat eat non-stop for e whole day. n all my money jus disappear. AHHAHA. BROKE!!



Very happy now but brain is very disorientated. ahhaha. so this is a very messy n not very reading frenly post. AHHA. pzzztt. (:

Alright..in the end i still went to run. haha. But this time not alone. I ran with ah lee! I was pondering whether i should run or not, but ah lee made the decision for me by asking me out to run. (:



So i ran 6km and he ran abt 5km. haha. Lucky my legs didn't hurt and my pace was much slower than the Saturday. But it was a gd run. haha. I enjoyed it alot.



Hmmm..having mixed feelings now. Doesn't really wanna go back camp cos i fear for what might happened next. Hope nothing bad will happen. pzzzt. But at e same time i find comfort in my friends whom i know will be there to support me in case any bad stuff do happen. ahha. Ok all these sounds kind of scary.



I realise everytime i go out..i get even more broke. Which is bad. And pay isn't coming in until the 10th. Wonder how i'm going to survive with jus 80 plus on 2 gatherings. hur hur hur..quote aunty ng " eat bread and drink mineral water" N " u haven't been this broke since sec sch days" HAHA! n i told her i feel young being broke. HAHAHA. Well, she thinks i'm half-crazy already.



YES! One piece of gd news though, govt is giving us 100 bonus! (: How i love the govt. Always so timely. Jus when i needed e money most. haha. n IRONMAN n BATMAN is showing soon! So going to catch it! WEEEEE..



Ok. time to go now. Shall update when i'm back. If i get to that is.

weeeeeee...very high in the morning liao. whahahha



I'm super lazy today! Was suppose to go run in e morning, but i didn't. Cos i woke up at 5 in the morning. I'm not that crazy to go run so early. So i force myself back to sleep and end up waking at 10 plus.



Today is book-in day as well. hur hur hur...not looking forward for it actually. Kinda funny in a way. Use to love to go back camps b4 all the overseas trip, but now i jus dread going back camp. HAHA. Well, at least i still have my buddies to accompany me. haha.



hohoho..n i'm super broke. pzzzt. yes yes..no $$$. kinda nice feeling. Somehow. N something embarrassing happened to me yest and i've got to treat shawn n leon drinks. ROAR..all thx to the stupid bet. haha. but well it is ok. HAHA. i'm happy treating them. HAHA. like seeing 2 little kids getting candies form the candy store. HAHA.



Lately, mum n dad has been a little weird. haha. Apparently my overseas phone bill hit 160++ and they didn't chide me! In fact there were rather calm n seem to be ok with it. HAHA. Also, i showed my parents the rest of the money that ididn't spent both of them ask me why i didn't spend it all. I was SHOCK! Seriously. They complain abt my spending in Thailand so i cut down in Taiwan and now they ask me why i didn't spens it all. HAHA.



Not only that, my father ask me to change back the NT to Sing dollar n ask me to keep it and spend it. hahaa. wat a right timing! When i'm broke. But well i told mum it was suppose to be for the phone bills. haha. I'll see how things go...heheh..cos i already spent abt $20 of it already. HEHEHEHE.



WEEe..n yest bought an album with dasen. Both of us shared the album THE BEATLES! haha. Few days back i also bought QUEEN greatest hits collection 1,2 n 3 for the price of $30!! WOOT!! super happy (: haha.



ok..think i better go now. weeee..eating my brunch. haha. so i won spend so much later also. HAHAA.

Ok, friendster lied to me.



You will wake up with a lot of high energy coursing through your body this morning, which will go a long way toward fueling some high productivity! This is a great day to tackle that project you've been putting off for so long -- cleaning the garage, organizing your office, balancing your checkbook, cleaning out the refrigerator. The things that you were dreading will suddenly be enjoyable for you, today, so make the most of it. Dig in. You'll enjoy a great sense of accomplishment.



This is taken from e horoscope section. haha. let me see how it actually work so far for me.



This morning i did woke up with a lot of high energy, but is PAINFUL engery. Went to the toilet to ls AGAIN. HAHAH.



After ls, i've decided to go for a run, n e run was quite terrible. My shin hurts like hell n my stamina has dropped. It was a gd run at all and it wasn't very productive. Cos now i feel nothing.



But one thing gd abt the run was that it made me feel better. Cos i was feeling quite moody before and during the run. Now i feel much better. hhaha.

WEE!!! 2nd update for the day. haha.



YES!! I MANAGE TO FIND BACK MY GOD OF WAR!!! HURRAY!!!!! whaha..so dumb of me. i actually did save it, but it was in some other folder. weee..



So now i have both crisis core and god of war in my psp. WOOTS!! They're going to accompany me in taiwan. haha. BUT BUT BUT!! i still wan tekken in my psp and also monster hunter. haha. n sooo..i shall go taiwan n get myself another memory card. WEEE..hope it is cheaper. haha.



Flying off tonight liao..n i'm still packing my bag. lalalala..n i think i'll post another entry tonight b4 i fly. hahha. 3 updates in a row!! n don't worry..today is a happy day!! weee..not like e other time. WHAHAHA.



ok..shall go pack my bag first..hahaha

Alright, this shall be a long update before i fly off to taiwan tonight where this blog will be left here collecting dust as usual. haha.





Went out with leon and shawn again yest. haha. My 2 best bastard buddies. Weee..haha.went to town again to shop. In the end spend another $50 at Espirit. WAhaha! Both me and shawn bought a polo tee. While leon went to river island and got himself a tee-shirt.




Yest went from orchard to city hall to suntec to raffles city. hahaa. My legs almost gave up on me, cos i ran abt 6 to 7 km in e morning. hahaha. Saw quite a few friends at town :). Quite happy to see them cos very long nv see them liao. HAHA.




After shopping went home for dinner and something retarded happened. haha. I was stoning in the train listening to songs and when the train stopped at yishun, i didn't alight. I stare at e sign 'Yishun' and watch the door close right in front of my face. 5s later i started to laugh at myself n realized that i didn't alight. SO RETARDED. haha. So in order not to let pple think i'm crazy (cos i was laughing at myself) i took my hp out and started to sms. hahhaa. Luckily, when i reached sembawang the other train arrived. haha. I quickly dashed into the train. hahahaha.



Later at night, karma was brought unto me on my psp. I couldn't put crisis core into my psp and after that i reformat my memory stick without saving my God Of War. SOOOO..last night i was devastated. I couldn't put crisis core AND i lost my God of War. tt is the last thing i need man. Reformat my memory stick twice, restart my com and it still didn't work. ROAR!! BUT!! BUT!! luckily for me, karma only lasted for last night. weeee..cos this morning which is jus now i tried putting crisis core in and it works!!! WEEEE!!! so my memory stick is ok now. wahhaa..or i think it is.



Anyway got a call from zk last night. Saw my phone vibrating and saw his name i didn't feel like picking it up. haha. Told leon over msn he called me..even leon say don pick up. HAHA! Then after that he sms me to ask me to call him. Was quite worried cos i scared zk might commit suicide. WAHHA! So in e end i call him back.I was shaking when i called him..it was tt bad. In e end he asked me about the forecast abt the next few months. Also updated me on the plans where he decide to move in together with dragon. Was quite speechless lar..didn't know quite what to say. hahha.



Wah..then he said something made me feel so guilty. hahaha. This is bad man. lalala. anyway still i hope he stop bothering me with his him n dragon stuff. HAHA. kinda have enough of it liao. Feels like everyone is asking me for details and pressuring me to help him. BUT!! BUT!!! What else can i do? Spoke to him, accompanied him and got black face from him..see liao also sian lor..wahhahaha..but well. i feel that i've did wat i can do and i've did enough. the rest is up to him.



I'm so excited!!! Tonight flying off liao. Whahaha..so fun and exciting. WEEEEE...can't wait for R&R in taiwan! hahaha..shopping..shopping..shopping..eating..eating..free dinner..weeee!!

woohoo!!! today is a weekend!!



Wahah..i'm happy today :) Because i went swimming jus now. HAHA! N last night was a great night. hahaha.



Went to crash nina's course at nus. Forensic studies. Cool huh. Was expecting some gory case studies but last night they didn't have it. Well..still it was fun cos they invited a judge over. E judge is Justice Tay. Very humourous man. Kind of unexpected for a judge. haha. Well we always have this idea or this stereotype that judges are boring and stern and cold. haha. Guess we are all so wrong.



After the lecture went back with huisi's fren who actually happens to be my senior in my sec sch. Saw her b4 in sch but she say she don remember seeing me. HAHA. Well, i guess tt is a gd thing. WHAHHA!



Only know her name when i reached yishun. WHAHHa! kinda dumb i know. hhaha. Well..pretty gals make boy fumble and tumble and go all blank in e mind. HAHA. Smitten by her smile. HAHA. cos she really has a great smile. Or in my point of view. Let's hope i get into NUS FASS!! So she can be my senior! hahaha.

I'm feeling kinda neither here nor there. Not happy or sad. Not angry or calm.



But i'm thinking which part of the story they told me is the truth or which part is e lie. I don't know whose words to believe anymore. Is like A is telling me this and B is telling me e other.



So what am i suppose to do? All i know is that i'm avoiding them both and lying to both of them at e same time. Or i shld say i feed them with false information. HAHA! Bet they're bitching or complaining abt me but i don't really care. At least i'm worth mentioning. WAHHA!



Well, but i do feel kind of guilty for givin them the cold shoulders. Cos if A is not there, B will have no friends left. And technically speaking i shld be his friend. Wahhaha..but even i'm giving him cold shoulders. Then he'll be all alone. N i definitely will feel guilty. So what shld i do? That is why i'm feeling neither here nor there today. Caught in a dilemma.



Why am i always facing such kuku situations. WHY WHY WHY??? haha. gd thing i have great frens ard to support my decisions n listen to me whine..if not i think i most prob go crazy halfway. haha.

hoho..another update.



Yest was fun. really.



Went to sakura international buffet at orchard. Seriously..it wasn't worth the money. The food was rather horrible. It was kinda disappointing. haha. Left some feedbacks for them. Guess they gonna hate me. WAHAHA.



After lunch went to meet meng fei, leon n shawn! Whaha..went to watch movie n shopping. Leon bought a $138 buffaloo jeans!!! N i tried on one..i think the price is from $188 to $208. WAHHAA..so tempting..n it is sooooooo ex. Leon told me to save up n get it. HWHAHA. their jeans super comfy. hmmm..maybe get it in june?? or july??



Was supposed to look for shirt b4 i leave for taiwan..but somehow i didn't buy anything and leon ended up spending more than me. WHAHHA.



N more issues coming up. Or i shld say i foresee more issues. lalala..but no worries, I'll deal with it as it comes. WAHAHA.



I feel quite free and happy now. AHAH. kinda missed the feeling. Esp since the thai incident. HORRIBLE!! Make me mood swing like nobody's business. It affected alot of pple. Hope everyone is ok now. WHHAHA.

haha. jus got this sudden urge to blog again.



i m sad. or i think i am. yes, i'm postive i m sad.



for tonnes of reason. n some i don't even know.



going tp have supper tonight with ah lee. but redbull is tagging along. not really looking forward for it.



last thing i need is for tml to cock up. which i got e feeling tt it might. oh..boo!



still i'm looking forward for tml! buffet, movie, shopping n great companion from noon till night. nothing to complain abt.



*note: it's morning i'm afraid. well..it's custom isn't it n i shldn't run away from it. sometimes i jus hate traditions n custom. It pulls u down n make u sacrifice for things u wldn't wan to.

oh no. jus what is exactly going on within me right now? hai..so messy right now. Everything is like a whirlpool. It is too intense for me to go reason it out within myself.



ARRGGH!!! This is not right!! Maybe there is too much envy. How i hate it n love it. Everything seems so wrong yet right.



I cannot allow e same thing to happen to me. To prevent it from happening, i must control it.



If only i could say this " Dear Lord, pls give me strength."

A super super gd emo song.



DAMIEN RICE - Cheers Darlin



Cheers darlin'

Here's to you and your lover boy

Cheers darlin'

I got years to wait around for you

Cheers darlin'

I've got your wedding bells in my ear

Cheers darlin'

You give me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away



And I die when you mention his name

And I lied, I should have kissed you

When we were running the reins



What am I darlin'?

A whisper in your ear?

A piece of your cake?

What am I, darlin?

The boy you can fear?

Or your biggest mistake?



Cheers darlin'

Here's to you and your lover man

Cheers darlin'

I just hang around and eat from a can

Cheers darlin'

I got a ribbon of green on my guitar

Cheers darlin'

I got a beauty queen

To sit not very far from here



I die when he comes around

To take you home

I'm too shy

I should have kissed you when we were alone



What am I darlin'?

A whisper in your ear?

A piece of your cake?

What am I, darlin?

The boy you can fear?

Or your biggest mistake?



Oh what am I? What am I darlin'?

I got years to wait...

sometimes..i feel very out of place..no matter who i'm with, no matter where i m. i feel lost and lonely. i'm all alone in a dark dark land. and there's no one out there to help me..except for myself.




No one.

wahahh!! finally i've uploaded this picture. look at it closely n u'll see e error!! HAHHA..so funny. aunty ber spotted it under a block, beside a kopitiam where we were having lunch after our swim. HAHA. ask her to take it n send it to me. HAHA.










if onlyuknowhowifeel..
butudon't
nhowamisupposetosayit
whenuhavesomeoneinurheart??

A fren told me this :

"True Frenz no matter how far we are apart, in our hearts we know we are still true frenz"

It is a bad week and i do not wish to elaborate more. Because i'm afraid tt the more i start to say all over again, the emo i'll get again. I'm trying hard to rid off this emo feeling but it is hard. So maybe trying to come here n type some stuff might jus help.



I'm kinda slapping my own face right? Saying tt i'm not going to say much abt what happened, yet still saying coming here to type some stuff to try n de-emo myself.



Maybe i'm jus feeling fustrated at e HQ and at myself. The HQ definitely has some fucked-up pple to disgust u and make u pissed off. I'm angry at myself for making myself feel so much abt it. Like as if i'm totally involved in it. I think i'm emotionally too attached to what has happened.



Managed to get some comfort from the comments aunty ng gave. It was really useful. Made me feel slightly more relieved. Now all tt i'm angry and worried is abt the time. I'm afraid tt it will take too long and they will take some actions, giving him post or appointment that he shouldn't hold and thus hurting him and making him lose confidence as well as emo-ing over it.



Hate to see or envision any of my fren being like tt. It breaks ur heart like as if their ur own child. Also hate pple tt make fun of my frens or making nasty comments when he is down.



ARRRGH!!!!!!!!!!! LET THE STEAM OF!! PSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Ok, at least it does helped a little.



Sometimes a little is all i need to make myself feel better.

Sadness and anger ruled over me today. I think i have the slightest idea why. Same old people, same old problems.

wooo..so long nv update. abt a month. kinda bored now so came over here to blog abit but i have no idea on what to blog. Everytime when i wanna blog, i can't. cos the com is bein used. now when e com is free i have nothig to blog abt. BORING~~

I think a**y is making me stupid. Abt a week ago my fren asked me a simple math question n i couldn't give a logical ans to him. Somehow while i was reading the question and trying to come up with a logical reasoning my brain starting to object very violently. I couldn't think properly at all. So much for telling us to use our brains...i think it is degrading our brains. Maybe we are trained to have muscles n no brains. AHHA. Whatever i'm ranting rubbish.

Just had this sudden urge to blog. To come and see this empty space where it will be filled by words and letters in no time. But i do not know what to write or say. Jus had this sudden feeling of loneliness loomed over me. Lonely n bored. Or was it the fact tt i cannot differentiate loneliness and boredom? ok..i'm starting to rumble off again.



anyway some randomness.


I WANT A NEW BAG!


I WANT A NEW SET OF HAIR. haha. yes i still don like my hair now. or maybe it is me.


I DON WAN TO BE PLAGUE BY FLU, SORE THROAT AND COUGH!


I WANT TO FLY AWAY TO SOMEHWERE NICE!


I WANT TO SLEEP ALL I WANT AND DO NOTHING.



There seems to be too much i wan. i'm too greedy. i hate politics and having the feeling that i need to wayang to be gd. SHIT this stuff. **** is a fucked up place.

All of a sudden i jus feel so lonely, so angry and so tired. Tired of hearing them cry, tired of seeing my parents getting so worked up, tired of going home and yet it doesn't feels like homw at all. Tired of so many things. Like i've told someone, sometimes i wld rather stay in camp then to go home. At least in camp there is more peace then at home. at least in camp i have frens whom i can talk to. At least in camp, maybe i feel abit happier.



Now all of a sudden i feel that i can talk to no one. Because no one wans to listen to me whine abt e same old stuff everytime. Complain abt every single thing that i don't like and i also feel that i can't jus tok to anyone. Also, i feel that maybe all these are jus childish feelings of myself. Maybe i'm not mature enough, so if i tell anyone they wld jus think that i'm jus childish.



So since i can't talk to anyone, i might as well tell it to my blog. For in case, when i can't hold e silence any longer i do not know what i'll do or say. Maybe i'll just turn crazy or maybe i'll jus commit suicide. See, foolish thoughts.



I'm just sick n tired.

Sometimes army can be a very scary place. A slip of tongue can costs u ur whole future. And obviously sometimes u shld just shut ur mouth.



That is what i've learned today. My tongue just slipped. I was lucky enough not to get my ass burnt. Feeling rather lousy and depressed. Becos pple will definitely think diff of me now and it might be very negatively. N i hate it.



ARRGHHH..n i feel abit awkward as well. Feel abit hard facing my boss. ARRRGH!! think it will take some time to get rid off this feeling. hai..hope no ill feeling will be done. Well, there are worst cases than mine. ok, even though saying that does not cheer me up any bit.



BOOO!!!! hope everything will be better soon!!!



Ren yi shi feng ping lang jing


Tui yi bu hai guo tian kong

Somehow this period of time feels very weird. I don feel like who i am anymore. There seems to be alot of thigs going on. Like the people ard me. At the beginning i put up a barrier btwn mw n them cos i do not know hwo they are. Even as time passes sometimes the barrier is still being formed.



Sometimes, I just feel that i'm being tested. Being judged. Everyday, by different pple. And the test isn't easy, it isn't the normal test. The test is me myself. I have to deal with topics like self-esteem, confidence level, my skills, ability to adapt well, my wayang-ness, my initiative, my eloquence n also my fashion sense. I may have left out some others but more or less it is this few topics. I guessed i fair quite low. Seriously.



Sometimes i just wanna give away my post or just let my upperstudy continue doing it. Despite the fact that, many times he have told me he dislike being e runner or he is sick n tired of it, i think he is jus lying subconsciously. NOTE, i say subconsciously. Cos from what i observed, he isn't. He likes the attention, the recognition. Sometimes he is just so gd and when i stand beside him i feel so lousy, like i shldn't even be his successor. Well, obviously there is also someone else he wld like to be his understudy. I know for sure it is definitely not me.



Sometimes i really wonder, WHY ME? Why can't my superior, they chose themselves? Maybe it wld have been better. Maybe now, i'm not even having the post now. Maybe my life now wld be simpler n easier.



The only thing that really keep me going is that i know i'm not the only one and i'm glad that i have pple who have been encouraging me n supporting me. It great to have frens like them.

Woot finally found e time to update. But it seems that i've actually have no idea on what to blog abt. Anyway next week will be a busy week. haha. N i'm so angry cos i cldn't get e shirt i wanted! BOO! yes..i think i need to get a new belt, wallet, shirt, maybe a few other pants n new smell! haha. N all tt cost money. n i'm currently broke n i'm still over-spending on food!!



some how it seems tt going into main body is making me even poorer. AHHA. spending even more than i shld. Well, running out of words n ideas for this entry. Ohh..n i did something sinful this week. HAHA. i sort of betrayed my sis, but in a gd way. Or at least i think it is gd. hahaha. Anyway i guess she wldn't know. haha. I'll post more next time!

Still wondering if i'm really e most suitable candidate for the job. Well, this also means i've no confidence in myself n i myself am doubting if i can meet up to such high expectations and doubting my own capabilities. IF pple trust me and acknowledge my effort and hard work and that is why they gave me e current job i shld be sure of myself as well right?



Hai..i'm still searching for proper answers to assure myself. Everyday seems so challenging.



Anyway was suppose to visit the bank today but i didn't. BOO! has pushed my plan even further. Was jus thinking a moment ago why my family is just so diff from the other families ard. So many examples to cite but i think i shldn't. Who knows it might jus make me resent my family, which is a bad thing. haha. but i guess i wouldn't want to do that. I think i sort of understand what sis is saying now. I feel the pain she is feeling. But what to do? The only answer or explanation i was given is time. Yes, TIME.

Finally!! i'm updating my blog after sooooooooo long. YES!!! 2 more weeks n my training course gonna end!! YES!! they cut it short due to manpower problem. hahahha. This coming week is going to be a very hectic n tough week. N i'm dreading it. haha.



N!! i'm spending sooooo much this month also!! been to party world n k-box to sing n destress!! haha. so shoik!! then went to buy a pair of jeans from bod.bodynits at only $42!! all their bottoms only $42, cos they having sales. n e price of e jeans was originally $83.90. haha. so i paid only 1/2 price! so shoik to spend $$. haha. Which means i'm also broke. But tt didn't stop me from watching HAIRSPRAY today! the show is damn gd! very nice. Worth e $$. haha.



Can't wait for this week to be over. Everything shld be easier by then i guess. 15 Sept. I'm looking forward for this day!

ARGH!!! I'm now having e depression mood again!!! YES!! AGAIn!!! n i hate it! jus can't seem to find something nice to lok forward to. Booking in tml morning. e post activity after e half marathon has been a truly waste of $$ n my time. It wasn't fun at all. It brought my mood down!!!! RARR!!!! boobooboo!!

9 more weeks!

Yes!!! I've completed 5 weeks of training! N this coming mon marks the end of my first phase of AIT! This is a super fast passing week. Almost everyday we are outfield having training.



As usual, donkey is being super irritating. Trying to lead and yet his leading skills really sux! He doesn't know how to sacrifice or to take the initiative as a leader yet he is able to boss pple ard to do such things. Yes, leaders delegate jobs to pple, not to boss pple ard. Moreover, there wasn't even any job assigned to him.



He is getting on everyone's nerves. Part of me wans to win him in every possible way so as to tell him that there is someone better ard u, u are notas gd as the one that u think u are. Yet part of me jus wan to shut him from my system. To disregard his existence. Well, of course it feels great to see his annoyed expression when i was given the post he wanted so much and also the equipment i could use or at least hold on to for a longer time compared to him.



Anyway other than donkey someone else is also very irritating. Maybe he is enforcing or given orders to enforce such rules but i still feel that he is really a huge egoistic monster tt is super rigid. Also a little dumb to use such a term " reasonably unreasonable ". Makes my jaw drop onto the ground with a loud thud.



Ok enough of them. NDP is coming soon! 2 more weeks!!! But i guess i'll be missing it. YES!! E whole performance! cos of booking in. ARGH!! SO FUSTRATING!! HOW I WISH I COULD WATCH THE SHOW!! hmm..but nothing is confirmed right? all these are speculations. hahaha.



I also wanna watch the simpsons, transformers n read the harry potter book 7 at the same time!!!! SO much i wanna do, but so limited amt of time to do them.

OK! it has been a month since i've last updated this blog. So far everything is still ok. Finishing my phase 1 of my course soon. There were so many things i want to say e previous time or yest, but it jus seems tt i've forgotten abt it. Well, what to say now? hahhaa. lost for words. Just hope this week pass quick enough too.

Well, all is fine now. ahaha. Of course with much help from my family. There are the ones that could really pull u up when you are really really very down. Of course, i can't forget my frens either who have been encouraging me. haha. Though it may sounds like something major happened, all seems so tiny now. Yeah! i'm once again a happy man! haha.

It is hard to describe my feelings now. Well, it is more on e negative side. More of disappointment n sadness. Didn't understand why i get tt posting. Somehow i took it as a form of insult. I find it hard to take it positively despite all e encouragements n concerns my frens gave me. I could only appear to look cheerful or let them feel i'm ok, but deep down i know there is still this aching feeling. A feeling so hard to get rid of.



But who knows, maybe i might grow to like it. And as far as i know i'm not e only one. Yet, i still can't settle myself down. It is so hard. So very hard. How i wish i cld be with e rest as well, n how i remember i use to daze abt e future i might have. But now in an instant, they're gone. PUFF! just like tt. so demoralising, how unmotivative and maybe a disgrace as well.



Maybe i've take it too hard, too personal. But there is no other way i can make myself feel better. Even esp after i heard my dad's rxn. Maybe all this is just bullshit. The system is jus so wierd and unpredictable. It is in accurate i wld say. Or maybe i thought too highly of myself. Whatever e reasons are, there is no way i can change anything, except of how i'm going to enjoy my future. It will be hard, but i'm willing to try. It is jus a short term isn't. Jus a short term.

It is always great to be back to civilisation compare to staying in field. Field camp is finally over. Well it is a great experience to be out there in e field. Slepping in e field, digging trench and learning all sorts of things such as how u react in e forest if u were atack by an enemy. All very interesting and exciting n fresh. All are very new to me.




Of course not only these events are enjoyable n unforgettable but also tt i didn't brush my teeth for 5 days, bath for less than 5 mins on e 4th day and got cuts while digging e shellscrape for 5 hrs. Also shitting side by side with uur frens. haha. All these are fun n unforgettable.




All in all field camp is generally fun, but tiring n really can irritates e hell out of pple. haha. shan't elaborate more. too lazy.




As for today i went to beach road with raphael to get some items. Then went to orchard to meet amos, jihad, nicholas and ka siang for late lunch/early dinner. Then went to shop ard orchard. Me n raphael wanted to try all e branded clothes n after tt jus leave w/o buying them. HAhHA. but unfortunately we didn't do tt. haha. had a great day today outside hanging ard.




Booking in tml at 1910 to 1925. Yours truly is once again tired n needs rest. haha. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!

YES PPLE! I"M BACK!! n i tot i would abondon this blog for good.haha. Because i don not have to mood to blog now. But then for some unknown reason n unknown force i came here in e end.




I'm very drowsy noe because i took my medicine a few hours ago. Cough syrup tt is. Been sick in tekong. Tt was e 2nd week i guess. My company (Leopard!) suddenly seemed to have an outburst of pple getting flu, cough n sore throat. I was unlucky enough to be one of them.



E 18 days of confinement/adjustment period is relatively ok. Sgts are still very nice even though we got fuck by Sgt Jihad already. But i guess tt was only small case. Food is relatively ok. PPle are generally nice as well. Even though there are some buggers ard. Overall i think my section is e best. MUWHAHAHHAHAA.



Anyway was being appointed as e armskote 2ndIC. e last post i wld ever wanna get. Worse then being e armskote IC. tsk. But i always enjoy sseing pple sending arms back. haha. cos they will sign from e book n my job is officially gone! hahah. but well had to stick to this bloody appointment for another 6 weeks. Hope no one else get fuck anymore. Including me.



The next book in will be 2nd of May. Will be going to SDC first before heading back to the super sunny small island. Whjile i was there initially i was thinking if there was a tsunami, Tekong will definitely sink. haha. But lets all pray to all e god tt such thing will nv happen.



Having field camp when i booking in after 2 days. Hope everything will be alright n smooth. Definitely not looking forward for it. E only thing tt excite me is e stars tt i'll get to see at night. Other than tt, nothing else does.



Ok tt's all folks for now. Yours truly needs rest. hahaha.

OK! tml is e day where i get my head shaved n get confined for 2 weeks n learn lots n lots of new things!



Another chapter of my life begins tml. A new beginning, a new story. Let's hope it will be exciting for e rest of e story! Lots of surprise, good surpise. haha. Also this blog will then be ignored n left to collect dust until yours truly comes back home n clean it.



Till then, take care everyone! esp to those who have been reading my blog! n my family, frens blah blah blah. haha.



Ciao!


Adios!


Bye!

Zai(4) Jian(4)!



Cheers!

4 more days! had a so called farewell dinner on wed at ah eu's hse. then today met up with kat n ng for prata session. so fast! 4 more days. e waiting is killing me. excited n nervous. Wondering how e pple will be like in there. Frenly, nice, fun-going, crazy, funny? or bossy, irritating, selfish, fierce n scary kind. hahaha. anyway whatever lar.

HAHA. this is so unexpected of me. Blogging at such an hr. 2.10A.M! still waiting for my mp3 to be charged. rather irritated. haha. it has been 2hrs!!!! n it has not finish charging.



Finally went to e temple n pray!!!! then went to buy 4D. haha. bought 5678. e no. tt was in e ang bao. SO SUAY LOR!!! NV WIN!!!!! got 2 pairs of no. all jus lack of 1 no. If only i got those 2 no. i can smell e $$$$$. hahahaa.



14 more days to NS


5 more to Ah eu's birthday


22 more days to brt's birthday

Yeah finally managed to get my ass out today! haha. thx to sylvester, who ask me out to go for jogging. Turns out we went to the gym instead. haha. ran e treadmill for 20 mins n completed abt 3.1+km. then proceed to use e machines. Saw one of my junior there. yeah! at least i exercised today! i'm so happy!

Been having weird dreams lately. Even U appeared in my dream. Scary. Met so many old friends in my dream. haha. somewhat like a mini reunion in my dream.



yeah! my parents are finally coming back today!! Well no more late-night cookings. haha. Boo to that. BUT!! BUT!! at least there is mum's cooking everyday. Cos i know my cooking can nv be on par with her right now. But maybe in 10 years time i will win her! haha. crappy. My sis even complained abt e egg i cook. Says it got e smell but not e taste. Of course i know. i'm an amatuer. hahahaha. not like my mum n dad. They're e pro. haha.



I'm panicking again becos i haven been training hard for the past few weeks. Actualy i haven been training at all. except for e sit-ups. HAHAHA. always woke up late. someone pls drag me out of my cosy litte bed n tie me to the treadmill or kidnapped me to the stadium. But i know i'll run tml! or at least i would. haha.



N i wan to go to sentosa AGAIN! yes. AGAIN! hahah. jus went recently with my classmates. Fun. waiting for pics! haha. n SEPHINE IF U ARE READING THIS, PLS UPLOAD E PICS ASAP!! hahaha. THX!



Ok! tt all's!



8 days to eunice's birthday!


16 days to NS!


24 days to Ber's birthday!

I had a fun day yest! Went to sentosa with my classmates. ahha. Even though there were only 5 of us. Bought frisbee n play on shore n in e sea. Had a fun time yest. ahha. We even dig a super big trench. n it is abt half a thigh deep. haha. me n yat yan we buried in it. In e end shin jia was also buried.ahah.



After tt went to harbourfront to look for ah yo, my assistant chef when i use to work at sakae. She told me lots of things. Some were very sad. I wonder y e working world is such a cruel place. How can they bully 2 old ladies! What is wrong with these pple!!!!! they shld be chopped off!!! Cursed them! Hope when these evil pple work, they fall n slip in e kitchen, knock their head on e floor n e knife fell from e counter n stab them. Evil pple!!!

haha! i'm so-called finally cooking my first full course meal!!! 3 cheers for e wonderful sijie! YES! e next iron chef in e family. HAHA.



parents are still away at thai n still visiting more n more temples. i think my mum is super tired. everytime i call her, she say she is in e bus sleeping. HAHA.



let's hope e meal will taste gd. After all this is my first time. haha. yeah..lost my virginity on cooking my first full course meal jus like tt. haha. Like i've said i'm going to be e next iron chef in my family!! but there is still a super long way to go.



i think i can take over my mum when she comes back. I'M THE NEW MUM FOR MY FAMILY!! haha. i cook, do laundry, pray, prepare for e prayers, go market, sweep floor, mop floor. HAHAHA. i think i siao liao. lalla. WOOH!!



ok..tt's all back to cooking!!!

I'm bored n i'm feeling very bottled up. Lots of emotions or feelings mixing n running ard in me. I'm confused n i'm stressed ( i donnoe y either ). I'm also lost. What to do, what to choose n what will happen?



It is going to be a terrible long 9 days. i miss my parents. BOO!

Headache!

It is such a pain in e ass to plan a gathering when noone bothers to reply. Now i don't even know how many pple are going. I feel like i'm dealing with ghost. I've no idea where to settle a place for dinner! whatever choices given, negative feedbacks are always given. Now u have to consider the budget, e location, e smell, e size of e shop n stuff. ANNOYING! it is easier to plan an event when u are at least given a budget n est no. of pple arriving.



Seriously troublesome. BOOOOO!!!!!!

Tiltles that do not match

I've jus realised for some of e post i've made e title doesn't really match the entry. Y? becos i always digressed from my original topic if not i actually deleted what i wanted to say originally if not it wld be e case where i forgot what i wanted to say initially. tada! tt is y some titles doesn't match e post. haha.

the run-away me

My parents are going to thailand AGAIN! i think this is e 3rd time they're going again? haha. n this is e longest period they will be away from home! BOOS! n YEAHS!!! haha.



But of course their safety shall comes first even b4 my enjoyment of a short total freedom period.



I'll pray to tao peh gong everyday. During morning and at night!



For now..it is BOO to house chores! n YEAH!! to more late night pratas!!!

A HUGE RELIEF!!!! But still it can't be compared wih e feeling 2 years back. This time i was rather numb. Now i'm gonna attack every course i can enter! i'm hopeful abt e outcome!

e final decision!

OK! Manage to get ah heng to call leena ant e outlet i wan to get transferred too. Apparently it didn't go too well. I didn't get posted to northpoint. BOOO! ok tt aside ah heng gave me a shock when he told me my pay will be increase to $7 if i go to tiong bahru. $7/hr!!!! can u imagine!! compare to my current $5.50 which seems sooooooooooooooooooooooooo little. haha. Well it seems like something was wrong with his ears. Cos he called back n say he made a mistake.



So after hearing out what he have told me AGAIN. i've decided to resign. NO MORE WORK FOR ME! 1 whole month of unemployment = no source of income = no $$ = no play! BOO! Well my dad say no point in working anymore if i'm still going to toa payoh. haha. i did a mental calculation for my transport fees n it really isn't worth it. haha. BOO TO SAKAE SUSHI! Let's pray tt all e aunties won get bullied by aunties from another outlet! if not they'll get it from me! hahha.



btw results releasing this fri. haha. still a little excited n nervous. well wish everyone all e best!! MAY WE ALL GET GD RESULTS!!!! PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY!

Curse blogger for not being able to published my last entry! BOO to blogger!








Well, finally saw e legendary leena tt everyone seemed to fear n panick at e sight of her and even when they hear her name. haha. She seems very motherly n nice. N i got transferred all e way to tao payoh after sembawang is closed. Y didn't i have e courage to tell her i wan NP!! ARRGH!! BOO TO ME! blimey. hope i can get ah heng to tell her tml. phsstt..let's pray!

too tired, to lazy, too much?

I think i'm not going to demand for extra pay afterall. E preparations are too much and i'm jus too tired n too lazy to chase for it anymore. Also it is hard to find free legal advice even though i know where to get tt service. But it will take a long time b4 i get anything done. So no point.



Work was peaceful today except when unknown pple like e constructors n e frog prince's dad, Uncle Foo, appeared. It made everyone nervous, stressful n uptight. haha. But i wasn't bothered. So what if i pissed him off, fire me lor. haha. Even loud-hailer ah heng had to shut up.



Finally i went to make e VIP card. But well it isn't tt useful anyway. Jus wanna have e feeling of owning it. HAHAH. It is rather useless anyway. discount = no discount. hahha. crappy craps. Making no sense at all.



My family is going to lao yusheng tml again!! I WANNA LAO!!! but i can't! tsk. due to work. so irritating. wonder y tml so many delivery orders. Someone shld bomb e call centre. hahaha. hopefully all in morning so i can clear them all n leave afternoon free! Let's pray tt no customers tml! all stay at home n celebrate everyone's birthday. OH! btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVERYONE!!!

Money-minded

I was pondering awhile ago if i'm making a moutain out of a molehole (i think there is such phrase. haha. i now my english is not superb). Or simply saying i'm kaing abig fuss out of something.



For the past few days i was checking out on e labour law regarding double pay on a public holiday because i was told by my employer that on tues we will not be paid double. Instead we are being paid at the normal rate. So i went home n told my faimly n they said it is impossible so i went to check on e labour law.



So today i went back to op hoping tt mr nair could enlightened me on certain law matters but well he was busy so me n eunice went to look for mrs sasi instead. Well she told me i shld be getting my double pay. She even told me to look for free legal advice which is available at community centres.



When i reached home my sis told me i was making a big fuss out of everything. Then it dawned on me, am i really making a big fuss? well i'm super money-minded n i'm sure everyone else is. N i told my sis if it was only for a few hrs i don't mind. But i worked for 11hrs jus on tues so y can't i fight for what i deserved?



After tt i began to ponder deeper. Maybe bosses get richer n richer because they don pay what their employee deserves. Many aunties n waiter n waitress doesn't seem to care and take e employer's word for real when he claim tt there is no double on tues. Well, maybe i one super money-minded employee tt don believe his word.



Now i'm afraid i'll fall halfway while fighting for what i deserved. I'm afarid things get even more messier. Things are getting pretty messy at work now already, with all e hidden fights still going on n e struggles between co-workers. E worse is when u are inevitably involved.



I hate going to work now. I'm looking forward for this coming wednesday.



Someone pls tie me up so i can't go to work. I hate what is waiting for me tml.

Went back to op today! haha. so long since i've stepped back into op. e feeling was great! Met some teachers, but many were busy. Saw alot of new faces ard both teachers n students.



Chat with several teachers n all say e students are getting worse. More difficult to handle. Some say it has become a societal problem n not only within op but it is a common prob tt happens ard. I wonder if it is really tt. Do pple in raffles institution behave e same way too? haha.



Got my querries ansed my mrs sasi. She even taught me how to challenge them. haha. i'm quite ready but still need to tie up some loose ends n get ready my ammo b4 i start firing off. haha.



Even had lunch with ms chang. haha. she treated me! make me feel so paiseh n so coincidentally i saw april! my pri sch fren who happens to work in e cafe. haha. but nv chat much with her. also saw another pri sch fren but i guess he didn't recognise or remember me. haha.



got to report an extra hr earlier tml. ah heng say he got something to tell me. wonder what izzit. i got bad feeling, but hope it won come true.



ok tt's all for today's update!

i'm going to demand for the things i deserved!




haha. n i'm going prepared.




WATCH OUT!

It's finally CNY! but somehow e mood is not there. Every year it seems so routine and it has become less exciting and energetic. I remember when i was young i love CNY. well i do love CNY but somehow e feeling is diff. Sometimes it jus doesn't feel like CNY. weird. does it have to do with our mentality as we grow older? thinking tt CNY is jus e same old thing. i donnoe. Well anyway wishing everyone a happy PIGGY year! but may piglet(winnie e pooh) tt disgusting creature fall into a bottomless pit n nv climb up again. other piglets of other kind(not from winnie e pooh) will rise n stay cute n pinky n healthy!

I still feel guilty for bringing him in. Now he got injured i felt even worse. I even feel guilty for his injuries. BOO!

Work is getting more and more monotonous. It is always wipe e rice tray, make standby, prepare egg mixture, make chawamushi, wipe tables, cut papers, wait for order, prepare sushi for belts n blah blah.



Well at least i'm learning how to make better handrolls. Maybe i'm abit too ambitous but i wanna learn how to make maki n my next move will be C&C! i wanna go C&C n fry all e orders!! e tempura, gyoza, yasai n blah blah. learn how to make bento set n stuf. well by then i'll be e chef. HAHA. i know it is impossible, but still..i wanna fry e food! at least let me fry them! haha.

*yawns* i'm seriously lacking of sleep. haha. always can't wake up for work. clogged up to 51 hrs of work this week. e pain on my sole is killing me. e shoes i'm wearing is lousy. i wanna wear back my sport shoes. work is going to be hell next week. esp when aunty xiu ju is not ard n yoyo will be at e other kitchen. ah mui aunty will be quiet. hahah. even though she is funny at times. let's hope yoyo come to my kitchen n chat with us. haha. sat is my off day! my sis birthday! haha. can relax!! WOOT!

I've done something terrible and i feel so guilty. I think e guilt is going to stay there for sme time. Let's hope things will turn out fine soon.




Well theres work tml! n i look forward to it! Tt is to go chat with the aunties. haha. Hope there won't be clashes with e chef tml. I might jus take e knife n stab him. haha.

ANNOUNCEMENT: KITCHEN POLITICS! BEWARE OF EVIL CHEF AND FLYING KNIFES!




There is a group of angry kitchen assistants and service crew that is very unhappy with e uncivilised and bossy chef. However, sad to say, he still has a supporter.




Supporter:



Ah-man aunty




Protestors:



Yoyo



Xiu Ju aunty



Sijie



Service crew




We shall all unite together and plot against the scheming chef. He who does nothing but boss around and attack innocent kitchen assistants, waiter and waitress, dishwasher. We must stand up for ourselves!




Well, looking at another perspective, since we are closing soon we shall let him enjoy being e king for a while before he got transfered and get torture by pple from other outlets. haha.




Anyway aunty pualine is leaving! sad. she is a nice and kind lady. Hope there might be a miracle n she might not need to leave! haha.




Tml work again! Hope i don even see e stupid chef.

Work is definitely getting better! e barrier or gap tt was once there has start to narrow down or gradually closed. well this is definitely a gd sign. haha. had quite a fun time at work todsay. laughed alot. FINALLY! i'm not deprived of laughter! haha.

I'm here to blog again! haha. today is another off day for me. haha. so sian. no work = no $$.




anyway yest went out in e afternoon to watch movie. managed to catch curse of the golden flowers! haha. e movie is nice.




then went home catch a nap then went out again to have a farewell dinner for yat yan n jansen. haha. cos they going for NS tml. went to dinner at marche at suntec. was quite fun. haha.




after tt came home n watch tv till 3 plus. haha. ok got work tml. hope tml will be a better day!